community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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