Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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