FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
