All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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