My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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