Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
