Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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