You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
