No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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