I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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