I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
