Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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