he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
