I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
