dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
