They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
