It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
