why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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