STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
