Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
