You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
