lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
