My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
