so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
