I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
