when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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