at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
