Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
