I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
