if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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