I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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