I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
