so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
