I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
