You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
be right there i have to get my cape
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
