You really coming over, don't trick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
