I didn't shave. On purpose
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
