he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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