DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
