Porn is love you can see.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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