so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This baby is an asshole
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
