eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
