walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize