i permit you to call me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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