so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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