Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
