...so i touched it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
