problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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