Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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