Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
