I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
