are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
it was like eating out sand paper
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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