I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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