he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
