he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
