Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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