I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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