Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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