I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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