She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
