Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
