this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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