you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
