Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize