they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
