she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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