I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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