Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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