She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize