im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
