Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Randomize
