The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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