ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
