how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
