dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
