Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
