i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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