everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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