I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
