no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
