Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
