please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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