Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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