I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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