Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
