and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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