you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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