chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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