NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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