Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
