apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
