We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
