shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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