Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
