are you so shy because you have an std?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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