why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
