so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
