Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
