There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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