im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
